Archive for the ‘PRETENTIOUS AS HELL’ Category

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My Irrational Dislike for Radiohead

July 22, 2008

I don’t like Radiohead. To say the least. In fact, I actively dislike them. They are one of the few bands to truly earn that dubious honor. I mean, I might say that about other bands or artists, but I won’t mean it. Only for Radiohead. And Nirvana.

My dislike for Radiohead stems largely from the fact that I was not a “music listener” during the Kid A and OK Computer hype. I think if any albums by them were any good at all, it would’ve been those two. However I missed the time when they were culturally relevant and new and so never got into that whole “Melodies can kiss my fatty McFatfat butt” style of music. And let’s face it, they’re pretentious piles of poo now.

Amnesiac was my first real exposure to them. And wow did that suck. I’d heard so much about this fabulous Radiohead and I spent $10 on this album, and I threw it away. I really tried to like it. I listened four or five times. Never found a song I liked. So I hoped it was just the album. Went out and got OK Computer. Eh. I mean, it wasn’t great, but it didn’t sound like Gary Coleman decided to get drunk and wash my car with a live cat like Amnesiac did.

So I though Radiohead was either just a terrible band or I just didn’t get them for a long time. Then Thom Yorke’s solo album came out. Everything clicked into place.

Thom Yorke is an evil villain who has found the proper frequencies to manipulate people’s musical tastes.
Because really, that album is so much crap. It throws away any idea of structure, melody, hell, music in general. And not in a cool Beck way. In a pretentious John Cage way. He’s the Jackson Pollock of music, except Pollock at least had the good sense to hate himself (abstract expressionist fans- go elsewhere, I don’t want to hear it).
The closing cinch on the fact that Thom Yorke is the root of all Radiohead’s evil instead of the whole of Radiohead, or the butts of bread, or talking sandwiches, or even Luficer himself, is that one Radiohead song that wasn’t written by Yorke is really really good. No matter who sings it.

High and Dry. Yes, it’s technically credited to the whole band, but I know the truth.
Thank you Greenwood, Greenwood, O’brien and Selway. I don’t know how you forced Mr. Yorke to let you put something of yours that has a melody and actual lyrics onto an album. Maybe you him with a pipe until he said yes. Maybe you chloroformed him and put it on while he was napping. Maybe you paid a taxi driver to take him across the country by accident while you wrote that song.
But thank you.

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